• New phrases to use at next faculty cocktail soiree:

- How did the needle get in the haystack?
- It is easy to make excuses but excuses are not easy to make
- How to save the pharmaceutical industry. Give products cute little names like Toby and Mr. President
- When I was in the field, I tried to man the place. I was wrong; I needed to place the man.
- When is a vegetable more than just a vegetable?
- You want to put what where?
- It’s about more than just fuzzy dice and Jesus on the dashboard
- I call shotgun!
- All you can eat
- How do you like that on your tires?

• Note to self: ask Roberta if it is time to buy bottled water to wash the lettuce with.

• Next time can we rub her belly and brush her fur?

• Was Foley right when he said, “It does not matter, which came first, the chicken or the egg, but which one we are having for lunch.”?
And then how does Macavoy’s response of “It is not what we are eating but how much cholesterol is in each” factor in?

• I once met a man who said he was a fisherman and told me that he met his wife fishing. He was going through his wallet in downtown San Jose and there she was.

• “Professor Parsins should be here almost immediately” – 1973

• Issue to bring up at next tea with Gaines: If one were to walk backwards down a street in Greenwhich at four o’clock in the afternoon (GMT), will they be passing by the world or the world be passing by them.

• Today an interesting event happened. A burly Iranian taxi driver with a fake fur hat told me to “use slow door” when I was going to close the door to the cab. This was after I had closed it. Should I have apologized for not having slow door? What is slow door? Can a door truly be slow?

• Nicole has provided a shortcut to being able to walk on water. Wait for the lake to freeze and it is then just as simple as left foot, right foot.

• To do for next week: Issue a memo to all junior employees of Hole’s Department Store that the upcoming Thursday is “aluminum foil day”. Leave the rest up to them.

• I am still disturbed by Nathan’s overtures. I realize that I am not reacting as best that I should. Are the preconceived misconceptions that I’ve had? Or is it the misconceived preconceptions?

• I tried to get them to go away. The greens that is. They wouldn’t, so I did but what are the proper authorities to alert? Can anything be done?

• How could Carol do that to me? I was just watching a hand puppet eat a Jell-O mold for my own personal amusement when she burst in. Then the chanting started, which was when I lost my appetite. She sat down in front of me and began playing with the purple feathers from her hat. Why couldn’t she use the yellow feathers? The trouble wouldn’t haven’t have started. She looked deeply into my eyes and quoted, “I often wonder what I am missing and miss what I am wondering.” I couldn’t take it anymore so I picked up the Jell-O and pranced out of the room.

• Idea for film: A young man, resembling a hungry Harrison Ford on Thursdays, witnesses the death of an insurance salesman as a result of looking at his watch too quickly. The man then rushes over to the salesman and is then given an envelope, by a licorice connoisseur with a wooden cane made out of felt, addressed to:

Norma Clark
130 W. 57th St.
New York City, N.Y.
100199

The young man immediately tracks down Woody Allen and asks him to deliver the envelope. The rest of the movie takes place in a Toronto subway, where Mr. Allen is trying to decide if he should deliver the package before or after he phones his hotel to request a wake up call. The cinematic essence is that Mr. Allen neglects to check the address on the envelope as it is for his own business office.

(C) 2006, Marty Finestone